Truth is, moving on is hard for me. It's because I never had the chance to get an answer.
Because no matter who I set my eyes onto, no one can compare with her maturity, her elegance, her outright directness. But so what if she is the perfect one in my eyes if she doesn't see me the same way? Because I know that I don't stand a chance. Because I know I'll never be considered in her eyes. All I can do is keep and eye out for her while I look out for someone else to move on to. I tried many times but in the end I have always came back to her.
I hope this doesn't last forever. We are so close now that if something were to happen between us it would already have happened. Buckle UP because you'll never find someone that can compare to her. Unless she finally see the care and attention you give to her this will be a stalemate forever.
Sunday, January 19, 2014
Saturday, January 18, 2014
This thing we call clubbing
Never thought that I would write a post about this topic. But here am I sitting in front of my laptop after my 2 hour sleep feeling the loneliness and emptiness of the so-called Post Club Syndrome.
Sure last night was not the first time I've actually went to a club but it was the first time got people dance with me! Yeah lah I'm the bui bui kind so rarely got people to dance with me de lah okay. So it was just a simple dance, no monkey business or anything, just a dance. After that we said our goodbyes and then moved on with life and went home. Reach home, Sleep.
2 hours later woke up feeling this emptiness inside my heart. That feeling is REALLY described as an emptiness in the heart. Its' not a nice feeling I have to admit. Therefore, in an attempt to make myself feel better I began to think back on what happened and why am I feeling this way.
It was my revelation moment for many things I have been pondering about.
This feeling is accompanied with a strong urge to find a girl to dance with or in a more crude term, grind. It's not something we have control of because its a psychological reflex that we have no autonomy over. I realised that this feeling is similar to missing someone but in this case you don't miss someone, you miss the feeling of physical contact with people. It's a kind of intimacy without love. You long for the feeling of having someone in your arms and dancing in a intimate manner together. It's not a healthy kind of intimacy because the hole inside you will never be filled. Its like filling a hole in the ground with water only to have the water seep through and leaving behind an empty hole again. The need to fill this hole is why people get addicted to clubbing. People say clubbing is fun but in reality its not fun, it's to fulfil the need for physical intimacy. Where else can you get physical intimacy without the need to even know the other person's name? A place where light is flickering, crowded and fueled by alcohol.
To fill this hole that gets bigger and bigger with each encounter, people go for more and more intimate actions just to fulfil that Psychological need. Things like kissing, tonguing and even intercourse with strangers is normally not acceptable to the people but to fulfil that need they do it anyway.
Lyrics of clubbing songs like:
"We don't want this night to end"
"Give me everything tonight"
"We could do this all night"
All start to make more sense.
It's not a place for maintaining healthy relationship psychology.
But HEY! If my close friends ask me to go why not?
Sure last night was not the first time I've actually went to a club but it was the first time got people dance with me! Yeah lah I'm the bui bui kind so rarely got people to dance with me de lah okay. So it was just a simple dance, no monkey business or anything, just a dance. After that we said our goodbyes and then moved on with life and went home. Reach home, Sleep.
2 hours later woke up feeling this emptiness inside my heart. That feeling is REALLY described as an emptiness in the heart. Its' not a nice feeling I have to admit. Therefore, in an attempt to make myself feel better I began to think back on what happened and why am I feeling this way.
It was my revelation moment for many things I have been pondering about.
This feeling is accompanied with a strong urge to find a girl to dance with or in a more crude term, grind. It's not something we have control of because its a psychological reflex that we have no autonomy over. I realised that this feeling is similar to missing someone but in this case you don't miss someone, you miss the feeling of physical contact with people. It's a kind of intimacy without love. You long for the feeling of having someone in your arms and dancing in a intimate manner together. It's not a healthy kind of intimacy because the hole inside you will never be filled. Its like filling a hole in the ground with water only to have the water seep through and leaving behind an empty hole again. The need to fill this hole is why people get addicted to clubbing. People say clubbing is fun but in reality its not fun, it's to fulfil the need for physical intimacy. Where else can you get physical intimacy without the need to even know the other person's name? A place where light is flickering, crowded and fueled by alcohol.
To fill this hole that gets bigger and bigger with each encounter, people go for more and more intimate actions just to fulfil that Psychological need. Things like kissing, tonguing and even intercourse with strangers is normally not acceptable to the people but to fulfil that need they do it anyway.
Lyrics of clubbing songs like:
"We don't want this night to end"
"Give me everything tonight"
"We could do this all night"
All start to make more sense.
It's not a place for maintaining healthy relationship psychology.
But HEY! If my close friends ask me to go why not?
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