Here we go again

Hi im back again! somehow I feel that this blog has became my dumping ground for my rants and pieces of my minds thats filled with agony and anguish. On the bright side. I've always had a place to rant when i have no one to turn to and this is the place.

So guys, here are my issues that has been bugging me since yesterday. I guess all my friendships will start to fade as time goes by, no one to turn to. I feel that another so called "friendship crash" is imminent because this feeling is all too similar.

You know that feeling when you first know someone and passions and interests sort of click? and as time passes you 2 get close and talk about everything under the sun. There comes a time where you sort of run out of things to say and then the msgs get shorter and shorter and you realise that the end is nigh. I'm kinda going through it now.

Beyond that, there are friends who gone onto a different road in life and you feel like you're slowly slipping away from their memories. Most of the time you ask them out and they tell you they are busy and yet post pictures of having fun somewhere else.

These things happen and you can't do much about it. Friendship needs effort from both sides and sometimes they move on to someone more fun or simply more stories to share than you and you can only look in despair or move on.

Sigh. these things wouldn't have bothered me before i became this mix up version of an extroverted introvert. Either way 10 days to enlistment, i can see it as a form of escape from all this friends stuff. The helmet would keep my thoughts in for that I'm sure.

Let me tell you about a story about a ship with a curse. It was a clipper, not that well made but still good enough to be ocean going. It had a curse since its launch in the 1990s. It was launched under the Aquarius moon with a huge gash to its keel. The Keel was an important part of the ship which the ship together. The shipwrights never saw the gash and after inspections realised that the ship could sail but could never withstand any shock caused by dropping the anchor or going near the currents that could bring it to faraway lands.

All its life it has been sailing near the shores and faithfully carrying the hopes and dreams of others. It had always wondered how it would feel to sail in the open seas with the horizon stretching to all sides. It could only see other ships coming in from the open seas. He could only wonder how it felt.

The people on the land started a war and soon this little clipper was brought to war. He was reinforced and brought far away to battle! to arms! he was strong he was powerful and he could now bear the storms. Soon the storms proved too much for the little clipper.

He could do nothing but say:

I was cursed to drift in this endless sea. Never to anchor on any shore. Bound by the waves and never let go. Because every time I anchored down the waves would batter my ship relentlessly with the force of a thousand gales. And I do not like this curse. But I'll live with it. As a ship is meant to sail and drift. My destiny is to be alone and free. For calmer seas is a smoother ride and rough seas put up a fight. All hail this mighty curse for no one is to make this clear.

End of chapter II

Its the end of my last FOC, through these years,  I finally understood the meaning of having friends, for me, having friends isn't about who is there for you all the time but who was there at the moment. Things change and always stays in constant changing.  Your close friends now might be strangers the next year. For me, a painfully boring person, its even harder to keep close friends close because the get bored of me so bloody easily sometime it hurts but I guess we have no choice but to take it straight on. It's not easy being a boring guy. Being within a group of people for years already I've come to realise that doing the right things almost never get you far. To fit in you are supposed to give in to others if you are not dominant but you give in to nothing if you command the respect of others. Its aboutsstriking a balance. Its not how I am as a person is.

Im an introvert. An introvert who learnt how to handle situations which reqires me to be outgoing. Its extremely tiring for me to put up a fake front to show that I can handle people, I mean I can handle people but I just dont like doing it. Normally I just like to do my own thibgs and not get involved with people. To me, friends are essentially liars who tell you there will be there for you forever and disregard you when another person takes your place. Why? Because im a bloody boring person. I failed as a GL, im not as cool as my freshies, they went on with everything else and they started to feel out of reach. I failed as an Exco who didnt really get close to the people I am working with. Yet I am eager to share my experiences and my stories to others. What the fuck is wrong with me? All I know is that I can do wonderful stuff but no one cares if you aren't outspoken.

People are scary to me. They seem to build joy over people's demise, essentially selfish enpugh to disregard other's pride. If they are having fun, they dont care if they are destroying other's efforts that they did not see. 3 months of effort I've placed in and they use smack it about like they made the bloody thing. My finale crew and I has worked day and night, weeks following weeks of preparation making these props and all they do is destroy these props. Cant say im not affected by theur actions but it really drained all my faith in humanity. I dont blame them because humanity is a concept is somehow created by beasts who knows how to think, desperately trying to act differently than the beasts that they are.

I guess I won't be coming back anytime soon. I've seen enough of the inconsiderations of people having fun and disregarding the other's needs around them both physkxakly and mentally. It hss been fun while it lasted, goodbye.

Sup guys, it 2 weeks until the end of all the studies i will do in polytechnic. this 3 years has went by far too fast. here i am sitting in the office going through the past few FOC finales, i really wished i could experience them again. sure there were ups and downs but i really missed the times i spent in these camps, in this little family. maybe its not so little but im glad i was part of it. 

2 more weeks! Graduate lohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh