Turbulent times

I guess i really suck at interpersonal relationships. I really do.
I REALLY DON'T DESERVE FRIENDS AT ALL.

Hahaha Fuck life.

I've been feeling neglected this few days. All the effort put into a friendship might not be returned with the same amount and as time goes by friendship will be neglected and those who got over it last will feel the burn and pain of the neglect.

Other than neglect. I've been feeling inferior, Never good enough to be someone's emotional support and always ending up being over shadowed by others. Something in me has changed. I don't feel the need to care about others any more. I feel that no matter where i go i'll have no issues blending in but always unable to fit in. Always being replaced by someone else. Always fit in for a moment and then dislodged the next. It has happened too often and its kinda sickening for me. I'll never fit in. I'll never got comfortable I'll never get a place anywhere. The world is so big but there isn't a place for me to fit in. Its different if a person feels this way when angry. I'm feeling this way even when i am not angry or not having conflicts with people. I guess my mentality will forever be in my way of finding people whom i can trust on.

Worst feeling ever: Caring about someone when they feel down and your words are not reaching them or they simply don't care.

I'll never gain trust from the people i care. I'll never be their pillar of strength when they need me. They always have someone closer. I just feel that I'll never be able to feel needed by someone. I'll never be needed by anyone. I don't like this feeling. I'll always be the back-up plan. Because I'm never caring enough, I'm never understanding enough, I'm never mature enough for anyone to rely on me. There is always that guy whom i cannot best. He is so near to me that whenever i put much care on someone the person will always put more trust on that guy. Haissssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss Fuck.

Anyway, I've finally decided to go for someone after so long. Still have to take time to get closer. I'm only afraid that i go too close and get bro-zoned again or becoming too close and go overboard with my teasing. it always happens. I am honestly shaken by all that has happened before. But if we are afraid of failure, we really cannot move forward can't we.

Moving on, Lots of people becoming single lately. Facebook is evil. and whenever a girl changes relationship status to single. It will be like a hive of activity with people below wanting to know what happened when it has nothing to do with them. Oh well... Such is life. To the guy who is always showing too much emotions. Calm down. No matter what happens, I'll be here for you no matter how they judge you or me. Because we have been through so much together.

Rants rants rants. some things you just can't say to a friend.